tomorrow's my older brother's b'day. It'll be 22 years since he left us. I never knew exactly why he died or how he did but today after hearing it, i can't hold back my tears and my anger. My father just told me that my younger brother is the way he is today because i never showed him the right path. He said if my older brother was around he wouldn't  have had this problem it kindda hurts alot... but it's ok. Bonds like family ,gf's and all these things are the one's which hold ppl back from being who they want to be or stop them from becoming great i choose to be great one day. and i will. 

ah yes... it has been a long time since i updated eh... well i hope the person who keeps giving me the anonymous comments is happy today... no im juz kidding... Well i've been really busy with work this past week..It was terrible i tell you. I was working more than 18 hrs a day without sleep ah, plus i wld come back home after work go to run and than go back to work again... i was afraid my heart was gonna fail on me!!!

                                                            Well the good thing is i was paid 30 bucks an hr so in total i probably made bout i dunno alot this week alone!!! hahaha yeehhhhhhh..... : ) todays sat and im staying hme after a long time. Its so boring. Well atleast i had a movie to watch and someone msging me to keep me company. It kindda felt good.. so thank you to that special person and thank you ch 5!! ok i'm off to run now gotta get in shape, i miss the days when i ate less and ran more!!! CYa

it's 6 in the morning juz came back hme after the nite out with vinod and all... It was a gd day today. ACtually my day kindda only started at bout 6 pm cuz tats when i woke up ...hahaha 

I went to run today it's been sme time and i had so much of emotions in me i thought of putting it to better use...I started to run and went to sembawang frm there it was another 10 k to marsling. I went past the checkpoint and to the mrt station...It was a gd runm i shd add took bout 50 mins not bad consindering eh.. haha

Than came home had my shower and all and went to meet jith at macs.. They were closed ah.. i was so sad... CARAMEL FRAPPE!!! I think the ladt selling the frappe felt for me looking at me through the window... he's nice we kindda got to noe each other through my daily patronisation if tats a word...

Than we met vinod and all went to jalan kayu for prata and to the dam for a drink BUT....  i didn't drink. I felt happy bout ahh... Proud of myself so it's been one day since i drank not great could be better but hey it's a start... I got the call to join the ship tomorrow but i managed to postpone for another two days...Glad tat came through ..

When im back im getting my license, buying a bike, starting a business, running the standard chartered marathon, and ohh yes get whateva i was supposed to get vinod... We'll be the biggest out there and the dreams the 5 of us had im gonna make them come true...

so i got the call today from the company requesting me to join tomorrow, ut i managed to bargain for another two more days so i'll be leaving on thursday. You've got no idea how im feeling now. I can't hold my tears back as i see my mum in the kitchen. I miss her alot already and i'll miss her even more. My brother who always has alot to say cldn't seem to come up with anything to say when i told him i was going to leave. i could see his sadness in his eyes. 

having a terrible headache...heading over to boss today, for a change i shallhave martell instead of beer ahh...

I'm drunk as a dog... I can't walk straight and i have a beer belly : ) hahahaha but it's ok this phase will pass pretty soon. JUz came back from selatar reservoir with vinod and karthik. I've been going there everyday for the past few days. It makes me feel very quiet and at peace. I feel very happy being there and we just talk and all. And well there's the endless bottles of beer too but.... It's all good. As days go by im starting to realise that the person i am when im sober isn't very hard to crack cuz once you got me going on bout three bottles ou can ask me just bout anything and if i trust you juz a little im ur's!! We go there juz to chill but there comes a certain point of time when i realise that we're there cuz of me.Cuz thats the only time when they noe that im weak. And i spill my feelings out to them . They're my friends yes... but still it scares me when ppl noe what kind of a person i am cuz than they can make use of me.I trust my frens though. Especially karthik and vinod. I've go to go run again later. ohh yes and hooters was a blast. Thanks for the wonderful dinner :) i really appreciate it. And now when im back frm sailing u noe where you can find me every other day .... hahaha : P i kid i kid... ok i gotta sleep now can't keep my eyes open any longer. cya 

just came back hme after meeting vinod... tonight's session has been a really weird one. I kindda did things i NEVER  would. I actually broke dwn infront of him and it wasn't a pretty sight. I took my phone and made a call  never would have made no matter in any state of mind and i poured my feelings out to the person on the phone. I guess i just missed her, i'm very sorry for bothering you so late at night. It'll never happen again. Im sorry