hey everybody, i'm leaving to go onboard today, i won't be able to keep in contact for the nxt 3 to 4 weeks, so u guys takecare ok... i'll see u all soon. stay safe.. :)

i juz had my dinner, it wasn't bad i especially liked the desert! sweet heaven! haha i'm chatting with indra on msn, she's a very nice person... I mean i knew she was nice but yea now i kindda have a rough idea of the sort of person she is... I called my mum today ,and she was very sad, telling me bout how much trouble my younger bro is giving and all and she told me this before she hung up " i love you very much, takcare of urself and come back safely" when i was in sg my mother nvr told me she loved me...not once... I miss her alot, well neither did i tell her i loved her. but yea i guess we all have our flaws...

My feelings show

My life seems so massive and random, i've got so many thoughts popping into my head. And i try to think bout everyone of the but there just seems like there's too many. I was juz speaking to a fren who sailed with me and he was telling me bout how he had a gf when he  went he went sailing and another one back in sg. It's a long story. And he used to love her so much... wat happened i don't know but it's juz weird to see these things happen... so bout the randomness in my head i wish to be myself for juz this one entry and say I miss you so much, and i no how you feel bout relationships and all but..... nahh forget it, it's taking too much out of me to complete this...  i miss you ****** juz as a fren for now, but maybe if fate or smthing allows and i pick up the courage to allow myself to love again,and so do u, than i'll let u noe.

oh yea and i've decided to sail continuously for the nxt 9 mths so i finish it off...i noe it's a long time bu since neither of us seem to be ready time will tell.... Cuz like u said seperation makes the heart grow fonder

So i'm sitting in my room reflecting on my life and all, and i'm let wondering did i make mistakes with povanes, cuz if i was such a gd bf, y did we end up this way? Y did after 2 and a half years did all those things have to happen. Y did i loose my temper, my cool i always controlled myself but y did i give up on tat. Shd i have given it a second chance?? If we didn't go our seperate ways i wldn't be wat i am today, so afraid to love, to trust , even to like. But we can't always life in the past...

            We all see many different people throughout our life time and we like some ppl that we see and some ppl we juz do not, howeva there can only be one special person tat we'll find. And although throughout life we make many mistakes bout this person being special and all we some day realise tat wat if we were with this other person how wld our life have been...The moment that thought comes to ur mind the relationship u have with whoeva at that moment is a waste. U shd never have second thoughts of the person ur with...Not only does it create problems it also hurts the other person ,tats y u shd get to noe the other person very well b4 entering into a relationship, only when u see uself being with that person shd u actually commit.

As for me i like this gal now, in my eye's she's very diff from all the other gals and i do think she's special. And there's also the possibility tat i like her juz cuz i juz got out of a relationship and she'd be the rebound...But honestly do u think i'm like tat.....? it's juz a like thingy at the moment no commitments and all, but she's keeping her distance i guess cuz she's not interested and she dosen't want to hurt me and all. But it's cool, we all nedd our own space ad we take our own time. I wld have bee put off if she liked me juz at that instance, but she decided not to and tat makes her special, waiting for the right time and always staying ahead. Gals shd be that way but u juz don't see too much of that these days... As for me i'll always be around and when she feels like she needs me around she'll let me noe...i think.haha 

Date

I had a great time last night with my date with estrella, if thats how u spell her name. We went to this place called tito's for dinner its a bar cum club like thingy but there weren't too many ppl there. The guy said it was like tat on sunday's. So we decided to walk along the beach , it was a really long walk but kindda fun, Listening to her talk in her funny accent. haha but she's nice very sweet gal. And yea tats bout it haha i came back to my hut with her.......... ok i noe wat u guys are thinking bout now, but nothing happened!! haha we were juz watching a movie than it was getting kindda late and her mum called so i walked her back to her hut than yeah the date was over... I was a perfect gentlemen the entire time! : ) It was kindda lonely though after she left i was sitting here alone and i didn't noe wat to do. PPl back home were going to bed and i was left alone here...i watched tv till bout 2 than went to bed.

Woke up at bout 5 than went back to sleep again woke up at 6 than slept again than finally decided to shower at bout 7.30 and headed for breakfast. I'm watching the movie fearless now, nth much to do.... i'll keep updated yea. 

Don't chase me anymore, Unless you're ready to catch me.

so i was thinking there are alot of sailors out there and there are at the moment alot of guys who are better than me, cuz honestly i don't noe much for nuts compared to the others of course i'm gonna work , work hard and till i'm the best i'm never quitting! juz like it says on the tattoo "Never give up".

 Alot of ppl have got different views on tattoo's and all but yea i mean u can't blame them but yea this tattoo is special to me. It means alot. Reminds me never to give up and alwys gets me thinking y i got it in te first place. i want to be the best in wateva i do and ys i do noe alot of ppl have got diff views bout me but tats their problem. I noe wat i am and tats all that matters.

I won't let anyone bring me down again. I mean there are alot of awesome gals out there and all but yea it's no rush for me, i'll let the right one come along and when i noe she's the one i'll let her noe till than we can all be good friends. 

I'll always strive for the best

I'm sitting in room 504, woke up like 3 hrs ago went to have my breakfast and came back here and i've been watching t.v sinec. I'm watching this movie " on the line" it's some love movie, bout a guy letting slip a wonderful gal, now don't we all do that mistake and he try's to make up for it by looking for her a few weeks later and all he finds her eventually. nice movie.... Got a date later with this gal i met by the pool we're going for dinner at baga beach, it's juz outside our resort, we're hitting a club there.She seems nice, very clever you can tell by the way she speaks. She's here on holiday from spain hahaha see you later...

i miss my mother so much. it's almost 9 in sg. And  all the times i was there i didn't stay home once to spend the day with my mum or my family... : ( 

i love you amma...

Room 504

I juz spoke to my mum, it was nice hearing her voice, she was advising me on not o go running alone, and all. i'm so bored i juz came back frm swimming ,saw this hot gal, she kept smiling at me and i felt so bad ah..... bikini babes!!! the americans can really pull of the bikini look ah! i'm starving! and dinner is ooru timing ah! 8 o' clock! wtf!!! HUNGRY LA OI!!! : ( 

Lost in my thoughts

The thing bout being here and all.... it's nice it really is. I've got nothing to complain really. U'd probably wish you were here instead. I've got nothing much to do alone for the next 6 mths so alot of entries can be expected. The last time i went sailing i had brought along a diary where i wrote everyday without fail, my thoughts, the things which happened to me tat day, and everyday had this line... " i love you" .

Well now that, that phase of my life has walked right out the window, i'm left with my best fren these past few mths someone who always listens and never says anything back " myownspace"... it's been really hard for me, holding back my tears i'm sitting in my room now, and as i'm doing this the tears juz can't stop flowing.

I barely know what is it that i want these days,i think i want something or someone than my mind tells me that i'm not good enough or it's too much trouble, ur juz gonna end up hurt. So i keep to myself, and now that i'm alone i regret pushing ppl away... Smiling is soo hard to do these days, so is sleeping, eating and being ard ppl. Cause i act everytime. I noe tat tat person there is not me, and i don't want to be there let alone when i'm feeling this way.

The only thing which honestly makes me smile without thinking twice, is the pic i have on my desktop dpic and handphone screensaver. She' not anyone special or anything just a friend but looking at her always brings a smile to my face, brings me back to earth tat not everybody's bad and tat it's ok to feel hurt. But she'd always be there to make me smile.

I just wish time would pass quickly and i can be back home, doing my on things and it never occurred to me till karthik sent me the last msg yesterday, " 6 more mths 3 musketeers rockin sg once more" it mean alot to me. I got a piece of advice the other day frrm one of my uncle's " Roshan screw the world till ur 30 than come back and get married"  haha it sounds wrg ah and the thought crossed my mind once, but NO, i'm better than tat... and u noe it

GOA

hey everybody i;m in goa already... stayed at mumbai for a night than flew here this morning! this place is awesome!! the chickaa's are ohhhhhh sooooooo HOT!! haha i'm in my hotel room i'll be staying here for another 4 days before the ship comes to port so i'll be at the beach everyday!! My farewell at the airport was very touching. My frens and my parents... i felt very sad having to leave everybody there and also some ppl who weren't there but i kept my tears in... smiling all the way. I didn't want to show tat i was sad. it's nice and all here but kindda lonley... : ) oh yea i got a hp no. here the no. is 9765664281 so yea msg me. i might not reply for weeks at a time but when i'm back i will ok. takecare u'll. always in my heart.

6 months later

tomorrow's the day..... 8 p.m flight... Goodbye everybody. see you guys soon. Stay safe u'll .....

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

Kind of my current life story...

juz came back from vinod's wife;s blk they had some fight or smthing and i had to go dwn there to prevent any futher fights. I'm no one to comment but i'm sick of seeing women cheat on their husbands or bf's. i mean yea we guys do cheat to but this s juz my view. 

Came back frm my run i shd say today was a very big improvement frm yesterday. i did my 5 k in k in like 16 mins and a few secs. it's not awesome i've done better but yea compared to yesterday tat is.

i'm sitting at macs having my supper now , the ppl here are so nice the lady served me my burger with chilli sauce and all, he actually took the effort to gt me the sauce frm the dispenser. And the guy making the frappe gave me so much of extra whipped cream and caramel sauce!! yummy!!! haha i guess my presence here every nite makes them happy.hahaha : D XOXO

okok i gtg my frappe i'm craving for my frappe!!! c'ya

met karthik and sugu earlier, karthik skipped school! the second day and he's doing it again. hopefully he does well this sem and gets his ass outta Sp. We went walking round Northpoint aimlessly. 

                 

Hah, we've been doing alot of tat lately. yishun's become very boring ah.... even the standard og ladies around the area has declined! tsk.... wats the world coming to....... ; D we went to watch some tamil movie kindda funny movie, haha i was stuck between karthik and sugu, but it was ok cuz i was feeling really cold anyways .haha 

Juz came hme, oh yea i got myself new apparels yesterday. kinnda cool! i bought a body suit, nike running tights, and a nike pro. very nice!! oh and as a going away gift a flesh imp jean for my bro, expensive ah! like 100 +. but i guess it'll make up for all the times i shouted at him for dirtying the huz.

Ok than i'm gonna go run now, i feel stronger and happier today. I think it's the pic in my hp, makes me feel very happy wheneva i see it. gtg now bye...

ok ppl it's FINALLY doe, i'm leaving this weekend!!!! stay cool u guys. takecare

Road to destruction

Confusion has taken over my mind!  i hate what i'm doing to myself and to you. I've been pushing you away for the past week or so. i try my best to stop myself frm keeping in contact with you ,but there're juz sme times where it gets so lonleyi juz can't help myself. i've been trying to piss you off, and make you hate me, disgusted and all. i hope it works. when i first got to noe you i saw you as someone who i cld really click with someone who was very diferent frm all the other gals i've met. you still are. But i'm juz not the same person. my lonley nights are starting to take a toll on me. I noe i say all that crap bout this gal being hot and tat gal being hot and all but the truth is i juz don't see any gal in the way. they juz don't affect me.i find it kindda weid to tell another i love her when for the past 2 years and more i've help another gals hands and always told her i'd never leave her and that i'd always hold her. i guess i really meant it.

so it's been a few days since i've posted a proper entry....Everytime i wanna update all the things going on in my mind i'm afraid ppl wld read and start to noe the real me, the things that go on in my head, the way i react to situations. But i've decided to brush off what others may think and juz write.

                          the past few days have been really lonesome for me, i don't noe y exactly but things like y did i have to meet povanes in the first place, the times we had together, the circumstances tat let to us moving apart, it's been a really painful few days for me. Constantly in my mind although i don't show it out it's killing me inside. I thought i was over it, but as much as i like to think tat i am, i'm juz too afraid to let ppl into my life,be open to them,or even have a proper conversation with a gal.

                                                                     I've been pushing ppl away, not replying sms's,s, staying up at the macs late at night till bout 5 in the morning. It feels so lonely in my room, even the only place where i felt safe i'm shunning. As much as i noe that drinking is not going to solve my problems and i've not drank in a long time mths i think. Maybe juz abit wldn't hurt at the moment.

               

                 Is wat i'm doing wrong? i need someone to show me some love, haha i'm sounding weird now, but yea the truth is i juz need someone to be here for me, and although ppl have come forth and offered so many times i push them away. i don't feel comfortable with any of them. I'm sorry but yea tats just me. I don't trust easily.i bet u never knew this bout me!! And as for the person i was toking bout earlier i noe i said i'll always be here for you, but seeing you the other day....i'm not so sure if i can. Memories haunt me everytime i see you. I wld never blame you for wat happened, it was my fault. i'm sorry 

          

                                                                                                  But yes it wld really help if you could please (i'm so sorry) let me go. I can't come meet you anymore,i juz can't. I'm a mess and i've just started picking myself up.so please... :(

                                                                      

Thursday

I had a wonderful time at the movies.... Went to watch semi-pro and it was so funny. It was nice seeing her laugh so much lastnite.I mean she's very guarded and all, although she always denies tat, you are!!! :) She's a wonderful person and yea... i'm smitten i think..... we'll see. Ok ppl i'm leaving nxt week, so u'll do takecare yea.