Tats my Girlfriend

This is the first saturday since i came back to sg, tat i'm staying home. Well i guessed since i'm leaving i might as well make my parents happy by staying home for the weekend...It's kindda nice staying hme i must say. My mum's cooking me lunch...haha it's been a long time since i ate her cooking. kindda miss it .hehe i was out till 5 am so i guessed i'd help her by buying all the stuff she needed to cook so i went to the market and you noe wat!! when you go there in the wee hours of the day you get everything for really really cheap ah!! i bought like 3 big bags of vegetables and stuff for $12 

haha and when i woke up i saw my mum coming into the huz she had gone to the market to buy vegetables!!!! waste my money ah! tsk ...

                                see ppl blog bout their life here i am blogging bout vegetables!!! haha anyways so yea leaving real soon, i'm looking forward to it actually, but juz noe u'll be missed ok. So when will i see ur face again?

So i went to changi again today, to give my passport and discharge book. I was thinking that i would be going sometime this week but they gave me a bomb ah!! The officer came to me an said " ok roshan you go tomorrow" i was prepared to go but when heard the captain's name i got scared ah! the same fucking captain from my old ship!!  i hated tat Son of a Bitch!!

I'm yet to decide if i wanna go tomorrow. i've got till afternoon. so yea.....hiazzzz the first thing which came to my mind when he said go tomorrow was ok great and shit i've not told her! i felt sad bout tat...if only i could tell you.

so i went to the company today at changi with karthiik, it was a really long bus ride ah, two bus rides actually. My heart was beating kindda fast while i was on my way there. I don't know why, but everytime i go to sign the contract i feel this way. When we reached the bus stop we were tapping our cards before we alighted and karthik being juz a wee bit tooo tall hit his head on the metal bar above the door it was damn funny ah!! everyone in the bus turned to look at us, and i cldn't stop laughing. hahahaha

                                                                        so after tat we went on to the company and i was talking to the crewing officer, he was a new guy kindda nice, tats a gd thing tat way he might help me return to sg on time and not drag like the last time ah. i was stuck in thailand for 2 weeks more!! So it's official i'm going for 6 mths in a few days time... takecare everybody stay safe alright.... i'll be back soon try not to miss me too much...hahaha i kid i kid.

To the person who was my everything do takecare, i hope good things come ur way. i'm sorry i said i didn't want to meet. i think it's better for the both of us this way... Please take things slow don't rush into things ok... i'll still always be here for you, juz so you noe :)

                                                                             To the other person who kindda means alot now, you're a wonderful person and i really do hope u'll be happy. Don't worry bout the exams and all i'm sure u'll do well. There're alot of things i've got to say but i don't think i'm ready to say it juz yet neither do  think ur ready to hear it. But it's ok like i said to my frens, ur the only one i wanna talk to but i don't wanna rush. Do takecare haha and i'm pretty sure i won't miss you ah! haha no la i'm joking i'm joking... =) i guess i'll see you soon... If you ever do read this i guess u'll noe huh... we'll see.

I miss you

It's been sometime since i've seen her, and i'm starting to miss her. It's kindda sad to think tat i don't talk to her tat much and all but i guess i'm not the type of person to let her noe she's being missed and all. I doubt she's feeling the same way but hey it's cool... i'm off to run now, can't fall asleep after my little incident at the 925 coffee shop with the 08 fellas... Crazy bastards!!! 

Cassanova

 This past weeks been really good, compared to the previous few. I realised something... that if you don't give in, in a relationship it's never gonna work out. I mean fighting for petty issues like not bring ur gf to orchard is a stupid reason to break up ah!!

                                Lucky for me i'm single, but i never really saw the girls point of view before, although i'd give in, i didn't understand why i was, all i knew was i didn't want to fight. Sometimes people have alot to say to the other person but they just have got too much of ego and are too afraid to say it out, thinking what the other person might think if they heard what they had to say... 

                                                            It's kindda sad cause you guys are great for each other you juz need to talk things out. haha learn people learn! don't throw ur love away juz cause of ur ego...

5 a.m runs.....

I don't really know what's happening nowadays, but i'm feeling alot more alone. I know i always have a grp of frens around me, but i'm beginning to realise that it's cuz i'm afraid of being without them and all alone. I'm running away from the fact that on the inside i'm actually sad and lonley. 

I don't even want to stay at home even for a while i can't sleep at during the night and to avoid thinking bout anything i juz grab my shoes and run. i started running at 5 am today and i only came home at 8.

What the hell wrg with me?? : s

I don't really care bout anything nowadays, i juz keep telling myself that it's ok and that i'm doing well and all but i'm starting to think that it's all bullshit. Would anyone in his right mind want to leave everyone he has juz so he can be alone somewhere else for half a year?? 

Frontin

I'm not sure wat exactly's going on now but things are kindda different. I'm stuck in a position i don't wanna be in. Tensions are high... I don't like this feeling.

I called the company today, the guy said he'd get me on a ship fastest by nxt week, i juz need a break from everything and everyone. I thought things wld be different this time round but i guess it's always the same thing in these cases.

Nonetheless i think i chose the right occupation for a person like me. It was nice being around everyone for the past few mths, but too much of a good thing can be bad i guess.

I'll go sialing around the world meeting new people hopefully i'll find someone who'll come sweep me off my feet : D haha fat hope. It would have been nice though if it was this certain someone, but i'm not keeping my hopes up.

Than i won't get hurt you see, smart ah! hahaha

Breathless

 valentines day was ok i guess... actually i got up a little later than usual. like 3 p.m so i didn't have to go through the most of the day.haha

I got to hang out with jithen most of the day, than go run than hang out with him again. so yea it was fun.... ok who am i kidding! it was nice being around my fren but it was kindda lonley also la.. 

Puvana i'm not angry with you or anything, we made our choices and going back and trying to fix things is juz not going to work for  me. i care for you alot, even now. I'm glad you called. i really am. Happy valentine's day to you. i'm sorry bout the movie plan, but i juz don't want to put myself in a vulnerable position again. 

I miss those times in my life where i felt everything was juz so fine, it hurts on the inside so much. to the other person i dunno why ur behaving this way, but i hope i didn't do anything to hurt you. If i did.... i'm really sorry.

I think im juz gonna move away.  i seem to be doing more bad than good for ppl ard me ah. Time to go far far away : D feel safe again.

We're just ordinary people

i kindda miss seeing her but i'm afriad to tell her, afraid of what she might think. I don't really understand this, whole thing tats going on. If i was together with someone for 2 and a half years, is it ok for me to be doing this??

At times i feel like telling  her, telling her everything. But i'm not gonna allow myself to be hurt again. Like they say once bitten twice shy, as it is i'm shy haha, time will tell i guess. She's special, different from the rest, thats wat made me start to notice her, but i guess we all meet different ppl and all, and not everyone leaves the same impression.

I'm not sad and stuff, i juz wish i cld turn back time and prevent myself frm getting hurt in the first place. 

 gtg now,kindda tired and i juz lost another 150, but it's ok. not to bumped bout it though. you win some you loose some eh : D nites everybody

i juz wanna go...

what the fuck did i do ah!!! fucking hell i juz came back hme from work you want to fucking shout at me for wat! As though iwas home the whole fucking day to see everything!

This sucks ah! fucking leave me alone every1 i had enough of these fucking ppl pissing me off everyday. U'll fucking be happy without me here la, i'd rather go and be happy on my own!

Soccer

i juz lost 3 fucking hundred dollars on blady sunderland against wigan!!! i'm fucking pissed!

I guess it is true, maybe guys do have a big ego, and i think i was alittle rude to you, i'm sorry its juz i've had alot of things on my mind of late, and loosing isn't actually helping. i'm really sorry, i wish i cld tell you this, but i juz can't.

I don't want to say things and spoil the friendship, it's not worth plus neither am i ready for anything. I'm juz so scared of stuff nowadays i'd juz rather be on my own, alone

Went to NUS yesterday, they were hosting a football and netball tournament. Kishore was representing ngee ann poly so Pravin, Jithen, Pereman and I went dwn to support. It was nice seeing old frens and all there.

We were supposed to be there at 8.30 but only managed to leave my huz at 9 cuz they were too drunk ah. Drinking session lasted till 6 on the morning! I feel kindda bad for wat happened there, with yoga, he's changed alot and not realising that i had to go and make fun of him, and at the end of the tournament he confronted me.

He was like ...

Yoga: dai y u had to say tat da

Me: say wat da??

Yoga: tat where i steal my shoes all

Me: dai i was juz joking da, y wats the problem

Yoga: dai i got name outside u noe da, wat ppl will think of me, i got reputation u noe!

Me: dai u are my fren i disturb u, u disturb me back ready tats tat. dun tok bout reputation to me, in my eyes u are my same old fren.

Yoga: fuck u da

Pravin:eh y u toking like tat, he's ur fren wat...

okok it's getting too long ah i think i'm gonna forget bout completing it!

She called me today, she told me tat she had decided tat she was going to leave for good. She said tat she didn't want this anymore, and asked me what i thought. I didn't noe wat to say, all i told her was you do wateva makes u happy, i'll still always be here for you, but don't expect me to take sides, cuz if ur going to do this, i'm not gonna stick with either of u'll. 

It's sad when u see things like this happen, but this is life and you juz have to take it i guess.

Ok i got to go now, going to play cs with jithen, anyone intrested in watching P.s i love you? 

Alone

I'm feel so bad for you, i can't do anything but stand by you, But when you urself say all those hurting things about me. What do you want me to do. Don't think tat juz cause i didn't stop you from going i don't love you

I wanted you to be happy, and if you being alone is going to make you happy and take ur mind of everything i'm glad i didn't stop you. I'm not going to cry or anything. I'll be strong and i'll be here.

I'm leaving on thursday, i don't want to see anyone and i'm not wasting my time finding for another gf. I never thought of tat. I'll come back 6 mths later i hope everything will be ok. i love you