Lost in my thoughts

The thing bout being here and all.... it's nice it really is. I've got nothing to complain really. U'd probably wish you were here instead. I've got nothing much to do alone for the next 6 mths so alot of entries can be expected. The last time i went sailing i had brought along a diary where i wrote everyday without fail, my thoughts, the things which happened to me tat day, and everyday had this line... " i love you" .

Well now that, that phase of my life has walked right out the window, i'm left with my best fren these past few mths someone who always listens and never says anything back " myownspace"... it's been really hard for me, holding back my tears i'm sitting in my room now, and as i'm doing this the tears juz can't stop flowing.

I barely know what is it that i want these days,i think i want something or someone than my mind tells me that i'm not good enough or it's too much trouble, ur juz gonna end up hurt. So i keep to myself, and now that i'm alone i regret pushing ppl away... Smiling is soo hard to do these days, so is sleeping, eating and being ard ppl. Cause i act everytime. I noe tat tat person there is not me, and i don't want to be there let alone when i'm feeling this way.

The only thing which honestly makes me smile without thinking twice, is the pic i have on my desktop dpic and handphone screensaver. She' not anyone special or anything just a friend but looking at her always brings a smile to my face, brings me back to earth tat not everybody's bad and tat it's ok to feel hurt. But she'd always be there to make me smile.

I just wish time would pass quickly and i can be back home, doing my on things and it never occurred to me till karthik sent me the last msg yesterday, " 6 more mths 3 musketeers rockin sg once more" it mean alot to me. I got a piece of advice the other day frrm one of my uncle's " Roshan screw the world till ur 30 than come back and get married"  haha it sounds wrg ah and the thought crossed my mind once, but NO, i'm better than tat... and u noe it